Another boring thursday~!

Why I always give a lame name for my title? Sigh.. It’s thursday again, and weekend is coming soon. Office is so quiet, most of the people having dunno what kind of meeting. I’m free to online, another boring day, hopefully I won’t fall asleep. Give me something to do please! I have to beg you is it? Sigh.. I’m so tired, not feeling well, not enough sleep. Once I go back home later, am gonna take a nap first. Haihz.. Never have a damn nice long sleep since last week, when keep on rushing for the CTC. And, tomorrow is graduation day for 95%, so fast. I really really need to have enough sleep before tomorrow. It’s only 10.48 am and I keep on mention this ‘tired’, ’sleep’ words. Damn! Where’s my spirit? My energy? Drank milo already this morning, but no effect one? Yesterday I was so damn semangat wanna write about the completion night, full of emotion already, but dun have the chance to write. And now, I’ve lost those emotion, words, aikss…. Anyway, I’m so glad to meet all of them, the feeling is undescribeable. Ok, let it be a film that store in my mind, my brain that can be play anytime. I’m gonna have my weekend back! Feel like I need a holiday, off to somewhere n play for a while or go to somewhere peace, calm, relax place. But I can’t go anywhere! Not even go back hometown. No extra budget to go somewhere n play for a while. Damn, am poor now! Let me just relax at home then.

O yeah, before I forget, suddenly this incident pop up in my mind. This morning as usual, I and my boy took taxi from bangsar lrt to our working place. And usually, the taxi driver will drop us at two different place, my boy first then me. But this f***ing driver damn kanasai. Once my boy stop at his working place, the f***ing taxi driver told me to top up RM2 later. “You thought this is bus ah? Can stop anywhere you want? This is taxi! Just now you said stop at Menara millenium only?” “Usually we never need to top up 2 ringgit!”, I replied. “If you don’t want, then turun sini and find another taxi!” Damn! WTF? Early in the morning u f*** me? Spoil my day only and waste my another RM2. Another f***ing bad experience with taxi in malaysia! Gosh! This kind of taxi driver how to layan tourists? What budi bahasa, what ramah? Sai la! Damn taxi so lan si, I pay you money to drive me to the destination I want, and you simply scold and treat me so bad? What kind of service is this? I think malaysia need to open an Academy for taxi driver focusing in service and how to treat people. Ok, Calm down. Let gone be by gone. Don’t let my jar full with those f***ing experience. Take a breath, 1..2..3… Go to toilet first..

Siao liao~!

It’s sunday morning~! Three and half hour later will be the rehearsal for tomorrow and the next presentation. Am still not ready with it yet, neither my work or myself. My eyes still pain, not enough sleep. I’m the only one among the nine of us that haven’t even confirm the idea yet. Damn it! Why is this happen to me? Why I’m like that? I’m like in a maze where I know there is a way out and my intention is to go there. But I’m still can’t find the right way out. Am stuck and trap in the maze that I make myself.While one of my trainer kept saying that I can do it, since I was lack of time already but I still manage to come out with an ambient ad for Faber Castell Tack It. Now I need that Kathie to come out with such ideas. But where is she? *desperate* Why I can’t come out with an idea that can work (not to say good) for my CTC? I feel so useless, it’s my champion and I can’t figure the way out to do that. Arghh~!! And when I’m stress, I will cry and bang and throw everything around me. Of course, I’m not gonna throw glass or my phone, all those expensive and easily break stuff. =P I just need something to release my stress, my anger towards myself. Sooner or later I’m gonna get ‘siao‘ I think. Sigh.. I just can’t relax or maybe am enjoying when am stress?

Few more days to go, friday is the graduation day. What to wear? haihz.. I need a holiday, away from all this thing, but am having internship in an ad agency, have to face ads everyday and hear ppl talk about them. Sigh.. I wanna have my relaxing weekend back, my pakto time. Hehe.. A very gud luck for me~!

Boring tired stressful week

Been a week I didn’t get in touch with internet, well except at office. But that’s only on my 1st day of intern, cos a freelancer take my ‘place’. =.=” A boring week at office. Having intern at a big agency doesn’t confirm that you will learn much from there. Guess it’s time for me to be more ‘ke po‘ there else am gonna sit at my department or walk and see see only without talk so much to people, and gain nothing except I know how is the people in the agency bla bla bla. Hopefully next week will be a better week. Oh no, my CTC haven start yet, am dying…. And somehow, am still relaxing although I keep think of how, what, bla bla bla…Next friday, 30th July is our graduation day. Yeay, a nine weeks of struggling, learning, growning up, bla bla bla is going to over. Gonna miss 95percent and my trainers and classmates and the routine of going there and back home late at night and felt tired and stress up and so on and so on. Yesterday was our mock up interview and I didn’t really perform well. Sigh.. It’s always like that, when you sit there, *stop using you, it’s I, you are not represent anyone, aren’t you* I will be thinking that “ok,you can do it, later will be like this like that” *imagine how the situation will look like* But when it’s my turn, suddenly I become a rock, very cold, no smile, very direct, very monotone, damn it!

When my boy’s turn is over, the trainers asked him whether he really prepared or not, and they was like ‘don’t tell me this is how you prepare well, I know you can do better and this is not your best, so better let me know that you are not.’ That’s what I get from them. Then I came up with a stupid answer that he was just prepared for a ‘mock-interview’. I mean, they know you can do it better, and they will be more disappointed if you said this was your best effort, the best you can do, while it looks like it’s not. Forgive me if my words made you felt bad. Told you am not good in talking, my words is not sweet, it hurts people alot. Guess I should just keep quiet and ignore things around me. That’s the easy way out. The other way, i should think first and censor whateva things before vomit it out. Well, I’ll take the second way since am not gonna be the quiet Kathie that is so ignorance with her surroundings and just live in her own world, got a lot of thoughts in her mind but scare to said it out, scare to be wrong. F with all those.. Going college soon, gonna F someone already.. He better be there today..

The end of the waiting

Yuhu~! I’m in for the internship at O&M. Finally this unconfirmed situation is over already. I will start on next monday as what they wish. God must have his own plan for me, put me in this uncertain situation, then after struggling for few days I got the intern while the 2 of my friends not, and I will start on next week not tomorrow or within this few days. It makes me got time to settle and finish my 95% work. What a great plan it is.This morning I email them to ask for confirmation and she asked me to wait for her news as she will asked her Senior Graphic Designer first. I was more into design she said. Then my friend email them, and get rejected. So, I asked my other friend to ask for confirmation too, and she was rejected too as they said they didn’t want to accept any intern right now. Damn! I was so panic and worried at that time. They didn’t want to accept intern right now? Then means I won’t be accepted too is it? Gosh.. All I can do is just desperately waiting for their reply while searching for flash tutorial online. I kept looked at the time and checked my email, nothing there. I called back in the afternoon. Still asked me to wait. Am desperately waiting for the news and scratching my head to understand the basic of flash. If I don’t get my intern there, I will probably have it at my college. No please~!!

Around 4pm, I email them again. Waiting for few minutes, still no reply, I thought there is no hope anymore. Then, I checked again and here it is - good news for me. Am in~! Wuhu~! Ok, I know, it’s just an internship and not like get a real job. But hey, it’s a great moment great thing to share and celebrate. I’ve been waiting for almost a week, being put in an uncertain situation, hopeless time, and now those tough time has over. How great it is. Well, another tougher time will come soon, am alone in the company, really really need balls to survive there.

One thing has been solved, now let’s concentrate on my 95% work. I am desperately learning flash, it’s quite easy but quite confusing also. Sigh.. Then my CTC and ads. Aiks… Time to pamper myself now. Watch AQMFS thru youtube first then only cont work hard on those thing. Thanks so much Rachel for your comforting words.

Self talk:
Kat, kat, relax. There are always possibilities. Don’t give up~! U will get the result later after working hard and you will be satisfied with it. Just like after you finish create something with clay. Satisfaction towards urself.

Terkatung - katung

Yeah, till today, monday, I and my other two friends are still nowhere to go for the internship. Damn it. This morning my lecturer called and asked me and others to send some of our work to the company thru email. At that time, I’m in the bus on the way to KL already and I didn’t have my work’s softcopy with me. Sigh.. Why didn’t they inform earlier when I still at home? It was around 11am and my class was from 11.30 am to 5 pm. So, in order to email them my work, I have to wait till I back home. Imagine how much time had wasted. *Panic worried*Luckily, I’ve a short class and could went back earlier at 12.35pm. Take LRT - bus - walk home, I reached my home sweet home at 2.15pm. And guess what, Streamyx is playing with my time, the connection was slow and I can’t send my work, not in pps format or jpeg file. Damn! Neither gmail nor yahoo also cannot. %$#@. It took me around 1 hour in order to send those 679kb jpeg file. Sigh…

Hopefully everything will be settled soon. Tomorrow still gonna be a ‘jobless’ day. Everyone went for internship already…. And I’m still in the status of ‘not confirm’ yet. Terkatung - katung.So sad… Why me? Why us? Grrr… Tabahkan hatimu, keraskan taikmu. Still have to learn how to use flash to do my self promo. Argh… Will do it tomorrow after my sleep.

Miss my boy. The feeling is different from going back hometown, at least there I got family and friends to share everything, but now, am alone. Anyway, still can meet him during 95% class and call him though very expensive since his one is not KL number. Neh, now I know how bad I am in making friends, have no friends at all at the place I stay. Not even with Medan-ese. Sigh.. Nevermind. Life [can] still go on. I’m not here to collect friends. It’s better to have a great quality of friendship rather than a great quantity. What am I talking about now? Should take a rest…

Life won’t be the same anymore

Life won’t be the same for the next 2 months. My boy has temporarily move out to his friend’s place. It’s time for me to acknowledege myself, what’s wrong with me, what my life will be without him accompany me 24 hours, and so on. You won’t know what you have until you lose it. Yeah, this quote is so damn true. Why are we as a human being tend to be like that? Sigh.. Should’ve apreciate things around me much much more.Am so lonely… Life won’t be the same anymore. No one accompany me to 95% - tomorrow have to go KL by bus by myself, no one accompany me to go eat, no one need me to wake him up, no one to ask to go sleep earlier, no one to chat freely and get quarrel, no one to take care of and being take care in return and so on and so on. Am just being ’single’ again, in terms of living alone, be independent. I miss you. I know what I’ve done to you. I will work hard to ‘revise’ myself and we will have those sweet time together again. Understanding each other. Supporting each other. We complete each other (just like what Gan said).

Self talk:
Small little girl, you can do it, you are strong enough to be independent and handle all the thing around you. Show to the world, who Kathie is. An independent, strong girl and not dependent, selfish, stubborn girl. You have much more good side to show and share to your friends and beloved one.

And again…

Again… we quarrel.. And the problem is, me myself again I think. Well, me and me again, just because of small little thing. I just couldn’t hold on my emotion, being righteous (is what he said), being so stubborn, and so on and so on. I couldn’t control myself or is it because I DON’T want? I have choice, and why do I choose not to control my f*cking stupid emotion? I love him, but why each word each action I take, hurt him? Do I actually consider what he feels? Am I that selfish? Do my mind actually work? Or is it working too hard and close what’s actually in my heart? I got a lot of the WHY questions in my mind. I don’t know the answers either. Guess I need some time to think about, look back at myself and find friends to talk to.I feel like we are getting further and further from each other. Maybe because of the routine we have? Busy busy busy. After college, now internship, and the training left 2 more weeks to go. We are really in a ‘crisis’ time now.

Self talk:
Will the 2 years relationship gone? Well, Kat, it’s all back to you, yourself. Whether you wanna ‘rebrand’ or ‘revise’ yourself or stay the same old Kat. The little step that you will make, do give a big change in your life. Think about it before you go to sleep.

What a day…

So sleepy right now. Had a few hours sleep only last night. Am so pissed off now!!! What did the college do? Grr.. Well, I was felt so blessed last few days for having internship at O&M ad, but then yesterday I called them and I found out that they didn’t even receive any of our CVs from college! So, they have no idea who we are and can’t promise us that they will take us for the internship. For God sake! What is going on right now? I’ve called them back today and the lady recognise me. Aiks.. She told me to send my CV online. Then my friend called them again, then lecturer called and told us that she will send our CV herself so we just wait good/bad news from the company itself. So pasrah la… Sigh.. Anyway, thanks to Mr Lawrence for helping me in this stupid problem, although he is not the one in charge for this thing, but he is willing to help until the lecturer who is incharge called us back. Thanks Sir~!Well, today was supposed to be the last day of going college. I’ve passed up my design studies assignments, finished the advertising presentation, but need to hand in individual journal and 2 CD. Else, I would be able to hand in today and tomorrow will be the day to finish the ads for 95%. Haihz… She is just damn so ma fan, like usual. Even presentation also must have a proper start else she will ask us to restart again! Gosh.. My group was the first to go and she kept on told us to restart. My boy talked, Vicky talked and I talked and still we need to restart. I have no clue what is wrong with our presentation and I just collect the ‘balls’ and asked,” I thought there’s no rules in the presentation?” Guess what she said? It’s the first time she heard me speak so loud. =.=” After that then only she wanna told us that we were supposed to introduce our members first before introduce ourself and we need to look at the audience and smile. -__- Well, lesson to learn, Don’t forget and ignore this small little thing which may be important.

So sleepy, gotta have some little nap first to gain energy. Nite~!