It was 7.30am when I got the urge to wake up and went to toilet. It’s weekend and I’m awake so early, considering I slept so late 4am in the morning. [Still feel sleepy now, gotta continue sleep after finish with the laundry. So many clothes!] Busy unpacking clothes and cleaning some stuff last night after back from Melati [so many things to unpack as if I just back from
Life’s not easy lately. Problems come and go, left me alone to find the solutions, left alot of questions in my mind, bla bla bla. Ya, been questioning alot of things to myself lately. Internship is over already. Take a look back, what have I gain? Besides knowledge and understanding of advertising field, I haven’t contributed much to the company yet. Feedback that I get from my supervisor, I haven’t proved and push myself yet. I feel it too. Haven’t reached the stage of impressing them, not even craft my name in their mind and heart. Sigh.. Failure. I feel the disappointment towards myself now. 9weeks of training, I thought I can perform well in my internship. But somehow, I pulled myself back instead of pushing more and more. Sigh..
I always put a high expectation towards myself since young. Somehow I always want to be the best, want people to acknowledge me, my ability. Putting such a high expectation, I felt hurt a lot when I fell down [of course la!]. Always got the 1st rank in class during school time, I cried when I got 4th rank. Stupid me cried for such a thing, and it happened on my way walking back home with tons of people pass by. [Yeah, I cried alot. Someone said seems that I've drop my tear in almost everywhere I go; LRT, street, mall, college, and the list goes on. I feel release after I cried, fuck with what people think if they see me cried] Who and what should I blame if now I don’t put such a high expectation towards myself and push myself hard enough? That should be me. I should have learnt to accept failure and not to give up at all. Gosh! Say it is easy, but when it comes to action.. Sigh..
Time for me to throw away all the negative stuffs in myself, again. [Do it! Don't talk only!]
Quotes of the day:
[Somehow I feel these quotes suits my situation now]
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball
“When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life.” – Geoffrey F. Abert
May all of you have a nice weekend no matter where you are..