Plong!

Last night my boy just told me to try puasa for 1 day when we are not that busy during this fasting month. Today without planning it, we are like puasa already, starting from 10sth, grab a bread and Dutchlady chocolate milk, no drink, no food until 4sth, finish the work for Kancil at college. =.=”It’s a damn tiring day which involve a lot of walking and patient. Yes, my patience is being tested! So many ‘kanasai’ things happened. Whatever la, it’s over already. Plong! Don’t wanna talk about it anymore. Let gone be by gone.

Lesson to learn, don’t be so cin cai to people, feel pity to them, and be so soft! Open eyes widely and not only use my heart to see someone, but also use my mind. Or else I will be dissapointed again. Two months to go to know the result. Deg deg deg…

Doubt

Duh.. I am so confuse, bingung, bimbang. Should I fight or shouldn’t? Should I care or shouldn’t? This thought come across my mind for so many times until I and my boy decided to take action. There is a hope there, I tell myself. “When there is a will, there is a way”. On one side, I want to fight to get the ‘baby’ back. I don’t want to submit it as a cin cai work with the England. There is an idea there but now, it looks awful. I want to fight but there is a very little chance that our thought will be heard by Pat. It happened so many times already. But, I want to try although the chance is so small. But, will she care with our thought? I’m so tired. Argh.. I am so lalang now.

Fine, I lose in this battle, the battle that happen in my mind. Let me be her doll for the very last time. I appear in a siao po look in the tvc and this awful AE look with stupid england. Damn! And I let all those happen to me. I must be out of my mind already.

I got to continue do the cin cai work. Somehow now I see it as one of the college assignment instead of entry to win award. Fast fast finish, do whatever she like, and free. The hope is fading now.

Kat is headache!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Another long “ARGH!” after the last entry. This few days, eh no, supposingly this 4 weeks, have been tiring days - headache with the Kancil stuff (start smooth, get quarrel with Mr.P, stuck with ideas, and suddenly our ‘baby’ grown up when the deadline is so near already and that make us got to do so many extra work, sigh..), headache with the lecturers (got a not so pro lecturer to teach prof studies class and advertising lecturer who asked us to ‘borrow’ idea. Sigh..), headache with some of the classmates, headache with the college system, bla bla bla. In a short sentence, LUCT gives me a damn bad headache. =P Yesterday is apparently not a good day for me. No wind, no rain (read: bo hong bo ho - Hokkien ), suddenly this stupid Indo virus come to visit my laptop again! Yes, I kena Brontok again~! Oh no.. How do my laptop get infected? All happened when I get connected to the college’s wireless network connection. I realised it when I was about to show my work to the lecturer and the AVG scan tiok that Brontok. The D drive that I share kena. Duh.. Can’t believe it, so unsafe. I won’t use college wireless anymore. Last time I kena Brontok is on April and it’s Brontok.A. Now is Brontok.C. When my boy searched for the cleaner online, there is Brontok.J or sth like that already. Sooner or later it will go to Z then become AA - AZ (?) Thanks God everything is ok already. Pfiuh…When I was about to go back, that Mr.P get quarrel with the other guy who join the group discussion for Kancil and it happened in the staff room with so many people watching it. Er, free show, with ‘flying plate’ somemore. Wow.. If I was in that guy position, I think I would probably slap or throw the stuff to Mr.P and not on the floor. Ya, I know, am too emotional, got to control myself more. But I think he deserves that. =P He is just got no respect to other people, being so arrogant, righteous, action and words are so different, bla bla bla. Aiya, fine la, enough of talking about him. His nose or ears must be very itchy now. Got no idea how to make him realise about himself. He is flying too high now, got to pull him down and feel the pain in his ass.Let me continue to sleep and have a sweet dream. So many things to do on this weekend. Hm..P.S. Thanks Janet for your time and your words

Life is so unfair

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! ARGHHHHH!! ARGHHHHH ARGHHHH!!I think I really really need anger management lessons. Just have some quarrel mouth with my lecturer (again!). I admit that part of it is my false, I did lie to her (white lie I guess =P). What I don’t like is that I talked to her gently and in a respect way while she reply me in a rude way and she even look at me with that kind of eyes each time I met her eyes. Damn! Just because I didn’t attend (there is an important thing behind this) her class twice and she has a bad image toward me? She is just so unfair, so tua se sim, nicer to guys than girls =.=”, judge someone from outside (I hate someone like this). Sigh..

There are just too much this kind of lecturer in college. I can hardly find a ‘normal’ one who is fair enough. Maybe can count with my fingers. Some of them are racism (chinese is nicer to chinese, malay is nicer to malay, and so on), some judge the students by their covers and once you did mistake or give them a bad image then it will stick there forever in their mind, and so on. Sigh.. Life is so unfair.

While the students, many of them are very kia su one, damn selfish, want to win and save themselves first. You wanna die, it’s your problem then. But when they need your help, aha, they will suddenly be damn nice to you. And some, talk without think first, and keep talk nonsense, no logic, keep hihihehe and just waste my time. Sigh.. Sometimes I’m afraid whether I’m part of them or not.

Another problem is, when you have professional studies class with a non advertising background lecturer who ask you to do advertising work, you will be damn headache. Idea can be mistaken with concept, and so on. Oh sigh.. Help me out of this crazy world!

Tak tega

It’s a week after the TVC shooting and we did another stupid thing which is a waste of time also. This time we were supposed to be paparazzi for the whole day. Same people who played in the tvc plus Chris. After spent almost whole day there, we gain zero back.This idea is a pending one and almost forgotten until last few days a new comer who is so passion (according to Pat) join us and when he knew it, he wanna did it. (Aiya, got passion also not like this one hor. Drag all of us into trouble) Then Pat kept asked all of us to help and here I am now. Sigh..

Now, we are like in a trap already. Fine, maybe not we, is I. Whatever she asked us to do, we have to do it although mostly is Mr.P and her ideas. Sigh.. Alright, it is I. I’m like trap in the middle of nowhere. It’s not my idea, I don’t like it, but I can’t refuse not to do it. Why? Simple reason, I’m giving her face as she is my ex lecturer and I don’t wanna let her dissapointed. In other words, I tak tega. So, it’s my fault for not using my right to say no. Argh.. Can’t forgive myself for being so tak berdaya. (someone, what is the english for this?)

Whateva la.. I’m looking forward for tomorrow graduation nite at 95%. It’s just like yesterday only when I had my graduation nite. Time flew so fast.

If only I know

It’s a cold lazy and relaxing day when I spend my time sleep and watch Stephen Chow’s movies (thanks Tuck!). I have been so tired these few days, mentally and physically, especially after the tvc shooting on last thursday at 95%. I believe Shengci and Yong also feel the same.Last thursday is a historical day for me. The first time in my life I get to act for tvc, and my character is an oldfashion office girl but turn up I looked like a siao po/silly idiot stupid crazy girl. (Damn Mr.P wanna revenge also not like this one hor) The picture will tell everything. Well, 3 of us (me, my boy and Shengci) were supposed to be oldfashion creative people, with Yong as the main character, Creative Man, who wore just like a Superman. Shengci is the most normal one, only his hair was combed like our Tan Sri.

Yong the superhero and me the oldfashion girl who look more like a siao ca bo. Smile! You will freak out when see the close up of my face.

If my character is really a siao ca bo, it’s ok for me to be make up like that. But now, Pat and Mr.P said they want old fashion one~! The definition of oldfashion in their mind and mine is different is it? Somemore I was in that kind of make up from college to 95%. Can’t believe I did it, must be something wrong with me already.

So many unhappy things happen before and during the shooting day. Afterall 4 of us were just their stupid trial rabbit who willing to sacrifice our face, hair, and time. Yes, I lost that one day for this shooting which is not worthy at all. We are actors and actress who never get paid but still kena scold. I quess Mr. P and Pat should send this tvc under their names. Four of us maybe can win best actress, actor, support character, best make up and bla bla bla.

I am just find another trouble for myself by being in the group. Feel so sorry to Yong and Shengci because I asked them to join the group but make them so ‘tired’ (while sharing ideas), esp Yong. Two weeks is enough to make me feel so tired mentally and physically and I don’t feel like going anymore. It’s better to do it on my own and discuss among friends. That will be easier.

If only I know. Yeah, if only. It’s hard to expect people to change.

How can someone be so righteous in advertising field?

This is the third day of our secret mission, Kancil awards’ meeting with Pat and seems like things get worse. I was so excited at first but now I feel like lost the feeling already.Why? Because there is this senior, Mr.P, who act as if he knows everything and his ideas is the best just because he won gold for Kancil awards. It’s not because of his big idea but the big size of the item that make him won. What so arrogant/proud/lan si with it? Even Norman is so down to earth and friendly. I will be fine with this Mr.P being arrogant if what he said is making sense and not just right in his eyes and his point of view because he is just being fucking righteous all the time. Most of the ideas that we throw out is lame or cliche in his point of view or he killed it without a second thought or even change it to other thing, while his super duper lame ideas can be super duper great ideas for him and without second thought directly told us to do that. -__- What is he thinking about? Just because he won an award, well, assume it is awardS, he can judge our work as if he is the ECD? Geez.. Win award really can change a person is it?

The worst part is, every time we throw a just-born-naked-baby-boy to them, they return it to us a fully-dress-up-two-years-old-baby-girl! Argh!!! This is where it was so different with the situation at 95percent where I get my baby boy back with a feedback of what clothes to wear or how to polish it without them helping me to change it to other thing. If it can’t work, Janet and Shahnaz would tell me and the others to throw away the baby. If it can, we will keep the baby and work it out. Sigh.. I want and miss that feeling, that situation.