I need to burst this out !!

Why is this happen to me?

Why should I feel this pain?

You know that I can’t stand the pain but still You choose me. Why me? Why now?

I’ve been waiting for such a long time to travel to other place. Traveling, something that I like but can’t do it so often consider the financial situation.

Now that I have the chance, I thought I can have fun at Singapore this Friday since the visa is about to expired. I was so happy last week. But, that will remain as my dream only. How am I suppose to run thru places in Singapore with one disable leg carrying the pain along and not able to walk?

Why is it now when I have the chance to go for another better interviews?

Why is it now when I haven’t even settle the form, deposit with college?

How am I gonna go back Medan alone when I’m not able to walk?

It’s just the beginning of the boar year and I’m so sial already.

Why why why???

Feeling pain in my heart - heartache, is much better than physical hurt and pain.

I know, there is a purpose behind everything that happen to us.

When God wanted this happened to me, He knows that I can handle it in my own way. It’s now or never. It’s time for me to learn and cope with all this pain. He knows I can do it. I’m not walking with pain alone. My dearest boy always by my side. Always.

I just came back from doctor because the big wound still not getting better unlike the smaller one which turn into pinkish already. Half of it was reddish while the other half was light yellow which according to the doctor, yellow is not good!

He asked us why didn’t come back earlier like what he informed us. Wtf? We don’t think he ever said that. Fine, that’s not important.

Again, like the 1st time I laid on the bed and he changed the dressing. Before that, he clean up the wounds. The part that I scare the most.

Since he said yellow is not good, he rub it off until the yellow part gone and become white sth like that, as what my boy saw. When I say rub, I mean he rub it with such a super power until bleeding! And he said it should be like that.

Being someone who can’t stand with pain, I bite my shirt, hold my boy’s hand tightly like I’m gonna fall down to a deep dark hole, and cry like no tomorrow. OMG! I don’t know how it’s gonna be if the wound is the entire leg. Salute those burn’s victim who can go thru all this.

He still asked me how I slept before this with the wounds that keep on watery. Knowing my difficulty, he put a few layer of cotton or whatever it is onto my leg. Give me antibiotik and cream for me to apply myself tomorrow. The next visit will be on this friday.

After the extremely pain, I have no energy to step firmly and walk with my left leg. My boy carried me on his back all the way from the clinic to home, until I sat on the bed exactly. Safely. He carried me also, half way, from house to clinic. That time I still have the energy to walk. Oh boy.. He’s really my superman. How I dare to complain anymore?

There is no one who drive pass by us, care to stop to ask whether we need some help or not. As if, he carried me on his back for fun only. -__-” Fine, who am I in their eyes, dare to hope for some pity from them. It’s the era of MYOB ~ mind your own business (not the software name tho). Less care others business, less problem. Such a pitiful people living in a pitiful environment.

Hopefully tomorrow the wound is getting better. Please..

As I write this entry, there is a short flashback or kind of like feeling I’ve written this with the exact words before. Sounds like dejavu.

Arghh… I still wish this is a dream and when I wake up tomorrow morning, I’m fine.

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