Bah! Last night I had a dream. Or rather a nightmare. Somehow, I smoked a cigarette, in my dream. What make me more shocked was, my Mum handed it to me! Wtf?!? How could I had such a dream? I don’t crave for smoking. Not wanted to try. Never. She won’t allow me too. Then, what am I worry about? Aiya, fine. Mimpi hanyalah bunga tidur.

Maybe my mind just wanna break the ‘wall’, do something unusual that I never ever dare to try (?) But why smoking ya? *Heran sendiri*

Anyway, today is the 4th week, the 29th day to be exact since the bloody sial day when the hot water from boiled Spaghetti accidentally poured down on my left leg. I’ve changed skin like a snake since then. Felt the pain that I never ever had, unable to walk, went to clinic with him carry me on his back, getting that pity-pain-jijik-euy-shock-like-I-am-the-beast kind of look from people, cannot eat seafood la this la that la, ‘prison’-ized at home, etc. Serasa dunia akan runtuh (Hiperbola sedikit.)

Time does heal. It’s so amazing to see how the leg was back then and now. I can’t believe that I once felt so pain, hurt, down. Now, those feelings has gone. Physically the skin is almost back to normal. Most importantly, I can walk, run, jump, etc! Wuhu! Everyday I look at it, every little changes (the good one of course) always make me smile. Thank you God~!

The most challenging yet painful part, the source of the pain and unable to walk, came from this little yellowish part that was infected by bacteria or whatever.It became more and more obvious. Don’t look down on it oh, though it’s just a small part but the pain it caused was unbelievable.

I didn’t know anything about the infection until my 2nd visit or a week after the incident, the doctor told me,”Yellow not good! It will go deeper and eat the skin” (Yes, it does go deeper, looks like a shallow lake) and rubbed it like rubbed his writing on a piece of paper with eraser with the Sumo power. If rub paper, it comes out those pieces of rubber thingy, nah mine is bleeding! It’s like you rub the paper til it tears or koyak. If the paper can talk sure it will yell Ouch!, grab your hand and ask you to stop.

The pain-the tear-the cry-the patient all worthy when it gets better day by day. The achievement when I managed to peel off that part myself almost everyday, made me ignored the pain and went on for the sake of I want to be able to walk, faster. Pain now for a short time only or leave it and pain for a longer period of time. Of course I choose the first one.

This past 4 weeks I felt how uncomfortable it is to have almost everyone-who-pass-by-me eyes on my fugly leg. It’s so damn uncomfortable. Really. It makes me feel like I’m some sort of alien from the outer space that turn to human but fail. After a while I do try not to give a damn to that kind of look. Fuck with what others think, fuck with the way they stare and look at me and think that they are just being sua pa kau.

That give me a lesson, don’t ever give that pity-euy kind of look to disable ppl or someone with scar on his/her body. There is no need to look at them from the head til toes, from front til back. It helps nothing. Although they probably won’t give a damn, but they are human being too, only not physically normal. But well, who defined normal is normal?

Lagi won’t help by saying “aiyo so pity”, “must be very pain hor”, “why so careless one?”, etc. Duh.. Sien la.. Don’t keep on blaming can ah? I’ve been blaming myself, that’s enough, I need no more blaming. And, I don’t like to be pity. That just make me feel terrible and horrible. Encouragement is more useful. Anyhow, that shows someone care. I thank you everyone for your sympathy and your two cents during my past 4 weeks, either you whom I know well or stranger on the road. Makasi semuanya..