I don’t know it’s because I am not used to the place or I just have so much to think. What I know is, I can’t sleep. I want companion. Someone that I can talk to all night long until I fall asleep and can let go half of the burden and thinking.
I hate the lonely night, the silent tears, the painful heart.
I hate it because I can’t get what I want.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
February is ending soon. There goes the festive season (of Chinese New Year and Valentine’s day). It has been only 2 weeks since the KL trip with the family. Tomorrow I will be going there again. For how long? It depends on what will happen later. At least one month.
If I am employed, maybe I’ll come back here to pack the rest of my stuffs. If I am not, I will guai – guai come back home and pia with my freelance work while sucking up the pain of LDR. Nothing to lose here.
I am 99% done with the packing thing. I managed to stuff in my clothes and other stuffs in one luggage only. I’ve weighed it, it’s only 13kg. 
Looking forward to tomorrow’s flight. It’s so coincidence that I’ll be in the same flight with the highschool friend. But she will continue her journey to Macau.
Bye Medan.. Hi Malaysia… 
Prior the departure to KL, I couldn’t sleep well since the last 2 nights. This mind just kept wandering here and there, full with worry, messiness, etc.
This morning when I was brushing my teeth, I remembered I had this dream or rather nightmare last night. A row of my right hand side upper teeth broken off. And somehow my eyetooth was very sharp and long. I tried to put them back to the place but I couldn’t.
Then I asked the dentist there to help me. It was night time and there was sort of outdoor meeting or party. The dentist went off to do something with the teeth. Meanwhile I continue eating without my right hand side upper teeth. Sort of weird. After that, I can’t remember the rest of the story already.
So why do I care so much about this dream? Well, the thing is, dreaming of broken off teeth or detached teeth means someone in your family or relative will be facing death. It is said that, front teeth means it’s the people who is close to you; i.e. parents, siblings, grandparents, etc. The side teeth means your quite far relative. What worry me more is, in my dream it wasn’t only a tooth but teeth which is at least 4 to 5 in a row.
Sigh. sigh. sigh.
His primary email with your name as the password is no longer usable and accessible.
- He wants to get rid of whatever that can remind him of you.
You no longer received ‘Happy Valentine’ sms from him. And maybe no more ‘Happy Birthday’ sms too. But you will still receive ‘Happy New Year and Merry Christmas’ sms.
- Valentine = love celebration = lovebird. New Year & Christmas = celebration = everyone. See the difference?
You won’t find this ‘I am still single’ – hidden statement coming from him during your conversation or sms. Instead, he is inserting his new girlfriend in it.
- so damn obvious man..
He said he will assured his new girlfriend that it’s fine for him to have lunch with you. But he never texts you back since then.
- So the girlfriend is more powerful than you now. He is no longer under your ‘spell’.
When you realized that, you feel a bit of disappointed. Not because love is still hanging in the air. But because you have lost one of your FANS. You feel good knowing that someone is still after you, even though he has gone through the painful break-up. It’s all goes back to the ego.
The minute you are clear, you realized it’s a selfish act. You can smile and breath freely. There is no longer guilty feeling because you have moved on while he was still hanging there and hoping. What you feel now is a relief. Finally, that chapter is ended. You can close the book and store it in the library with the other story books of your life.
We hide when we don’t want to face something. Hiding is said to be a coward act. But heck, I wish I can hide at the mean time. I don’t want to meet people that I know. I don’t want to hear them asking the same questions; How are you, what is your job now, freelance ah? you don’t plan to look for a job meh? Haven’t found job ah? etc. I don’t want to give the same answers over and over again. It is extremely annoying and stressing me.
I am in a changing phase, a temporary situation, I ain’t settle down yet. And they keep on asking about this about that, never ending questions, every time I saw them. So what if I am employed or unemployed? Does knowing the fact makes any different to them or their life?If they say, it is because they CARE, ptui. Nah ..l.. I can differentiate what is care and what is being busybody. Only a few is sincere. The rest is pat poh-s who don’t deserve to be called FRIEND.
I think people ask because they wanna compare whose life is better than whose. Negative perspective, but whatever. I’ll off from this town next week. Say good bye to those pat poh. I’m continuing my life, knowing what I want and what to do, without the need to ‘present’ my plan to those pat poh-s. If they are so free, they should spend more time reading the term insurance one by one.