If I see my life like The Sims game, I’m in the stage of frustration and dead bored. My social life’s bar drop down to almost zero. I don’t even have an internet to chat with ppl. (Well, I can connect to an unprotected wireless connection at night, hehe, but have to prepare anytime it will be off) Duh! And I quarrel with him alot this days. Every words turn to quarrel. Wtf?!? Sigh.. What’s wrong with me? Like in The Sims game, I will need to make new friends or built and maintain the relationship that I have now if not it will drop down.

As if it’s not enough, I don’t know how to have fun and feel it now. I read my newly bought chiclit but I feel something is missing. It’s too quiet, like no life surround me. I turn my music on from my laptop. I still feel so damn lonely. I insert The Sims CD and play it but I don’t feel the fun. I click on the webpage that I saved and learn AutoCad but still something isn’t on. I wanna go out, out from my room and the house. But when I walk on my own in the shopping centre, I feel so empty.

Oh my.. Is this the result of someone spend most of the time at home with no job, no study, no housework, no internet, no TV, no radio? And all those link to no social life. Duh! I’m a dead meat with a dead soul, live like a zombie.

ARGHHHH!!!! I’m gonna end up talking to myself and I will be sent to mental hospital soon if I still like this for this few days. Or getting worse. I need something new to spark my life. I need to do something different.

“If you do what you always do, you will get what you always get.”

Funk you Funk you Funk you Funk you Funk you!!!!!!!!!!!!

It took forever to go in photobucket site. Cannot upload pics then. Sigh…

Still have connection. Play kao kao first then only sleep before da fella off it. MUahaha..

Today is Friday the 13th. Eng Ing Eng… It also marks my 1 year of blogging since my 1st post here. What an achievement for me, maintain a blog for a year. I mean I write!, eh no I type, with my England for a year. I can’t even manage to keep on writing my diary while I was at school. I can count it with my ten fingers.

Let me recall the milestone of me getting to blog til now. Another nostalgic entry. I can’t help it, just love being in the nostalgic moment.

It was about 3 years ago when I got to know this incredible thing called blog. I was so curious what is it, how can ppl have their own web page (yourname.com or yourname.blogspot.com – it’s so cool rite? having your name in it), write and post pictures whatever they want. What an online diary. So, I asked my boy and he told me to figure it out myself from blogger. Isshh.. So pelit ilmu one.

I signed up at blogger on June 2004. I did it at a cybercafe if I not mistaken, for I didn’t own a computer at that time. A newbie in blogging, I followed the tutorial for the 1st time user sth like that. I get confused and didn’t understand, found it complicated at that time. I left it and looked for other blog site.

I tried xanga and livejournal. I posted 2 or 3 entries before in each of them. I was kind of panas panas taik ayam towards blogging at that time. So, I never came back to check those anymore, including blogger. Sometimes I search for other blog service and sign up also but never use it or once then leave it untouched.

Then when my boy set his own blog site called ‘Wasblog’ at the end of 2005 I think, I signed up there and started to write for some times before he sold it to other ppl.

Before that, I have an account in Multiply where I always upload and store my pictures there. After a long time, there was this desire to write. I tried the blog service and found it so simple and easy to use. Or maybe my brain’s door that lead to blogging road just opened at that time. September 2005, I started my first post here. From there I also found out the way to insert picture in my entry. I stick to Photobucket to store the pictures that I use for blogging or others until now.

One fine day, I decided to stop using multiply blog’s service and move to blogger instead. The reason I moved is for the more friendly layout I think. Plus the template. Hehe.. So, here I am.

After using dot blogspot for quite some time, I changed and used my own domain name which is my surname. My boy bought it some times ago. Lovely him. At that time he kept on whining – buy already still don’t want to use and leave it there. =P

What drove me to write at the first, is that I want to practice my England, uppss, English I mean. Study graphic design, never write essay or a long paragraph in English, I find that I need to polish and get used to write in English.

The other thing is I want to keep a record, memory, reference for me to read in my free time, or future. I want to leave a mark about life and everything. Because time keeps on going, never stop or pause, and won’t come back. A picture says a thousand words. A great partner to combine with words.

Later on I found the other reason that makes me keeps on writing, which is the writing exercise that I went thru on my first training, APIP. Listen to the music, let it lead me and write. Lying on the bed, think of sth then write. Maybe there is something that I can’t say it out to ppl, maybe it’s a sorry, maybe it’s a thanks, the past, or the feeling of hating myself; whatever it is, I can use writing as the medium to burst out all those. Clear what I want to clear. Say what I want to say. I find it therapeutic though. To keep me from insane.

Now, whenever I have something going on my head, I sure going on like this - OMG! I need to write this down. ASAP.

Since this is my personal blog, I never care about the page rank la, adsense la, all those fancy fancy stuffs la. Although I wanna try it too, ehehe. I see it so challenging, build the blog, maintain, raise it, see the page rank goes high, put ads, then money comes in. $$$$. Ahaha..

Happy friday the 13th, people! Great weekend is waiting ahead. PC Fair, yuhu..

Aiyer so damn sien. Plus am craving for some foods, snacks, tea time. And it’s raining now. -__-” I’ve wasted some time on camwhoring. Not to forget the picture of the room too cos we will move out by mid of next month. At that time I also go back already.

I didn’t have a good sleep last night and yet woke up so early this morning. -__-” I memang slept but was like half conscious, so I was sleeping or no huh? I awake most of the time then continue sleep again. What I can remember is I had a silly dream. Damn shock me. Last two nights also had a weird dream regarding the ring that I’m wearing now and my boy. Ah well, I heard people says if we don’t wash hands and legs before sleep will have a dream later on. Hmm..Now, I’m craving for some foods. I just wanna have snack or fancy bread other than the roti tawar from Gardenia. And I have nothing at home. Damn la. I’m gonna buy a lil stuffs tomorrow at the mini market nearby which is so damn expensive than Giant Tesco price. Aiks..Last two weeks before the incident of hot water, I thought I’m gonna cook dinner myself while waiting for him to go back home. Cos I’m quite free already at that time. And I think it’s time for me to start to learn cooking something other than fried rice, Indomie, and pasta. Then I planned to go for grocery shopping on Monday after came back from college since the bus is going to 1U also. But I was just too tired and sleepy. Then the next days after that also lazy to go out. Apparently I was so semangat to go on Thursday which turn out to be the turning point in my life and the most celaka night. -__-

If only I didn’t go out. If only I didn’t craving for pasta. Alrite, I’m not a fortuneteller and accident comes without telling us. If not, it’s not called accident incident whatever-dent anymore. No shopping from that onwards and I have no cemilan now. Sigh.. And I can’t learn to cook for him. Haihz.. Malang tak dapat ditolak.Aku pengen makan sekarang…….. tukang roti, mbak jual pecel, kue-kue. If at here I walk out I see clinic, at there (with about the same distance) I see Ajo sate padang, burger stall, kue-kue, etc. If not, Pasar Rame is in walking distance. Lotsa foods is there. It’s much nearer than from my house to LRT. Oh my.. Be tahan..And oh, I wanted to play THE SIMS so much now. All because that day my boy downloaded Simcity4 for his friend. I saw them play like so high. Remind me of the school time playing The Sims till hours and won’t stop if not because of my mum bilibala already. I’ve searched from limewire and the other. Hopefully I can find one that memang can play one. I’ve sicken of buying CD from CD store cos most of the time unusable one. Sial

Alrite, so it’s another night of lying on the bed for some time with the eyes close but the mind still think of this and that.

Like usual, I end up writing out those things in here. Well, not all the time though. Sometimes I write and post and delete or I write and then tak jadi post or I write and post permanently.

I just need to clear those virus in my mind. Sometimes I want it to leave a mark here but there is the time when I just wanna clear it and flush it away.

So, this time what goes on my mind is again the dilemma about finding a job and settle myself in Malaysia or Indonesia.

The thing is even though my mouth said I will go back Medan and accept the job offer as a drafter, that’s why I start learning Autocad, there is some part of me haven’t given up in finding a job here and still believe there are chances, possibilities.

I know it clearly that thing doesn’t go right in this way. I won’t be able to move on if I don’t let go the other choice and make up my mind. Now my focus is like 50% here and another 50% there. or even 60 – 40, I don’t know. I don’t have a clear-specific-and-no-more-changing punya intention.

Part of me want here and the other one want there. Drafter not what I wanna be though I have some fun while learning Autocad (cracking head for the math, I love it). But God has give me this gift which is so coincidence. And the auntie is so nice. Fine, if I cannot take this job, still can find a job as Graphic designer kan? Yeah, another job hunting session in Medan. -__-”

What drive me back to Medan is my family and the life in Medan. I miss them. Some more being there, at least I can minimize the chances of me getting injured or even if I do, transportation is easier to get than here. Worst come to worst, I can take becak to go to doctor unlike here which luckily I have my boy willingly to carry me on his back. If raining, then die la. Ask for taxi to drive me from my house area to the clinic which is like Bangsar LRT to GFH is not fun kan? Some more this kind of emergency we don’t know when can happen one.

Why I can’t let go of Malaysia, I’m so used to it after 3 years living here. The environment, the lifestyle, the transportation, the air, the road, living alone, independent, and so on. The food still can bear with it though. The bad side is when got some emergency like what I said before. Sigh..

Then, I’m still not pang sim leaving my boy alone here. I scare he cannot wake up eventhough the alarm rings like sai beside his ear. -__-” No one to remind him to sleep earlier when he gets too high with the computer. How about the clothes? Laundry? And so on.

If I’m in Medan, I got to bear with the slow internet connection to talk to him and the expensive sms fee. Book ticket to fly here fly there. It needs a high maintenance, not only financially but also mentally, physiologically and whatever term it is.

That’s the consequences of my choices.

Nah, let’s say I jadi balik kampung, I still in dilemma in between Airasia and MAS. Airasia was so cheap, RM29.99, plus tax become RM139,99 sth I think. But I have so many things to bring back. If I reduce, using that big luggage, normally is about 20kg. I think I’m gonna choose MAS and don’t tham for cheap stuffs which later on just make myself ma fan, have to pay extra and walk so far like sai.

This balik kampung is a must in the next one month for I will settle the deposit with college. And that needs the form, ‘who who superstar’ punya signature, and so on, not to forget the copy of my flight ticket going back to my country. So ma fan la. IShh.. Plus the malay girl from student service just call me yesterday telling me that my visa is expired. I told her I know already and that I’ve went out to Singapore and came back. Then she said,”Can you come to the Student Service?” with the tone like asking me to go there NOW. WTF? -__-” Shouldn’t you ask whether I’m in college or not, I’m still studying or not. Stupid.

Haihz.. Dilemma.. oh dilemma.. Should I give up for the time to answer it and still heading for 2 roads? Or fight for one?

What I want to clear has been clear. I will read this again later on so that I can get clearer. Time to sleep and let the brain rest.

It’s the 14th day since I had the hot water incident. The leg is getting better. Really. New skin is there, slowly recover the color, and the infection part is catching up. Went to clinic this morning and the doctor said it’s fine and I just need to apply the antibiotic cream on the infection and red part and vitaminE cream on the other skin part.

As the leg is getting better, I can walk, I can wash, I can do laundry, I can stand, I can sit and put my leg down like normal. The pain is getting lessen, all because of the infection part. The feeling is getting better too. No more down and blaming ownself. Life become more beautiful and less stress. Muahaha.. Alrite, sometimes I tend to stress myself too much.

But still I rarely walk to the living room if not because I wanna go to balcony and kitchen. I still scare of the cats’ fur that fly here fly there and the smell from the litter which hardly been cleaned by the owner. Who knows the bacteria gonna visit my leg. I don’t like him so damn much. Feel like banging his head to the wall. Oh no, better put him in the cage with so many fur and litter, dirty smelly like hell, see how he gonna pass his day lying inside 24hours 365days.

And I don’t know what he did and what happen but am so damn curious where the heck is the black cats and the gray black kitten comes from? Few days after the white one gave birth, it’s gone already with the kitten. Few days I off to Singapore, come back already saw the black one which shock me alot. -__-” I was speculate whether he exchange the cats with his friends or the cats just tumpang here or they are his hubby punya cats? Hmm..

Am waiting for my boy to come back home and dinner together. It’s been a long time I didn’t walk to eat outside food. He always tapau for me. My mouth so itchy and hunger for lotsa foods now. Everyday keeps on having bread, porridge, home fried rice without egg, and so on. Can not eat foods that contains egg esp. yolk, tau yu, goreng goreng, peanut, seafood, and so on. Aiyo, like that how to live wo? Sigh.. So many things goes into cannot-eat-list. Ciak sai la.

“Leg ah, faster faster recover. Later we go eat lotsa food like people who never eat for days or weeks already. Pizza, Bakuteh, Cheechongfun, chocolate, fried chicken, you name it la. Faster faster recover.”