The first time I skip my first day class sleeping at home. Couldn’t sleep last night until 5am this morning, causing my eyes pain. Sigh.. It’s 10.30am when my handphone rang and it’s Felix! who call me. I thought it was just a call to ask where I am. But no, Professional Studies class require us to form a group of 8people and he is going to put me and my boy in his group with Tunku! and others, else we will have to form our own group. What? No!!!!! I don’t want, don’t punish me like this God! Enough of grouping with both of them. I said no, end the call faster, and call my other friend but full already. Nvm, there is always a way.That call really wake me up, physically and mentally. It’s sad you know when the only person who called and inform me about this thing is Felix. Where is my other friends? Past time, I would said ok to him, but now, things have changed. Sorry dude, you know what you’ve done. Thanks for informing me and concerning about me and my boy having no group, but I don’t wanna do work for you all already. Enough of being stupid, kind and helping you.

Back to where-is-my-other-friends question. It’s sad you know when none of your friends that you always mix with remember your existence. After 2 months break, they forget you? Maybe this is what I call ‘friends because of situation’ [because we are classmates!]. They find you and be very nice when they need help, after that, fuck off la! Is it that hard to be ‘friends in life’? Is everyone so selfish? I’m so dissapointed right now, I felt hurt [Fine, I'm too sensitive]. I see and treat them as my friends [I mean it, FRIENDS, not 'friends' who just say 'hi, bye'], but who and what am I in their eyes? A small little girl that willing to help anyone and can kena bully by you all? Being too kind can hurt you back sometimes. Sigh.. I shouldn’t put too high expectation on people. Damn! Boy, you are right, people are selfish. And I’m hurt again… Fine, I’m too sensitive.

I saw this pink colour cheongsam at Pasar Seni last week. Luv it!
*note down on my wish list*

It was 7.30am when I got the urge to wake up and went to toilet. It’s weekend and I’m awake so early, considering I slept so late 4am in the morning. [Still feel sleepy now, gotta continue sleep after finish with the laundry. So many clothes!] Busy unpacking clothes and cleaning some stuff last night after back from Melati [so many things to unpack as if I just back from Medan or somewhere else]. Yeay, back to Puchong home sweet home…

Life’s not easy lately. Problems come and go, left me alone to find the solutions, left alot of questions in my mind, bla bla bla. Ya, been questioning alot of things to myself lately. Internship is over already. Take a look back, what have I gain? Besides knowledge and understanding of advertising field, I haven’t contributed much to the company yet. Feedback that I get from my supervisor, I haven’t proved and push myself yet. I feel it too. Haven’t reached the stage of impressing them, not even craft my name in their mind and heart. Sigh.. Failure. I feel the disappointment towards myself now. 9weeks of training, I thought I can perform well in my internship. But somehow, I pulled myself back instead of pushing more and more. Sigh..

I always put a high expectation towards myself since young. Somehow I always want to be the best, want people to acknowledge me, my ability. Putting such a high expectation, I felt hurt a lot when I fell down [of course la!]. Always got the 1st rank in class during school time, I cried when I got 4th rank. Stupid me cried for such a thing, and it happened on my way walking back home with tons of people pass by. [Yeah, I cried alot. Someone said seems that I've drop my tear in almost everywhere I go; LRT, street, mall, college, and the list goes on. I feel release after I cried, fuck with what people think if they see me cried] Who and what should I blame if now I don’t put such a high expectation towards myself and push myself hard enough? That should be me. I should have learnt to accept failure and not to give up at all. Gosh! Say it is easy, but when it comes to action.. Sigh..

Time for me to throw away all the negative stuffs in myself, again. [Do it! Don't talk only!]

Quotes of the day:
[Somehow I feel these quotes suits my situation now]

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

“When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life.” – Geoffrey F. Abert

May all of you have a nice weekend no matter where you are..

Q : Life is so boring. Why?
A : Because you are boring!

I was so bored last night til I wrote that on a piece of paper. I wrote the Q part and my boy wrote the A part. Yeah, I think when I’m boring my life become boring too. And this entry is boring. My dearest readers, stop read now else you gonna get bore too. Is it too late to warn you now? Ok, I’m asking a question to myself. Go get your life now!P.S. Auntie Kim is having her one month break now. Miss her walking around office, having lunch together at the pantry. Sadly thing for me, I miss the chance of taking picture with her. Sigh..

Yesterday took a leave and went to Indonesia embassy to renew my passport. Gotta wait about one month for it. Stupid me thought can get it directly on that day, which make me innocently asked the staff,”Boleh ambil sekarang? Di sana ya? [pointing to the opposite counter]” He replied,”Haiya, kamu pikir ini fast food, McDonald’s? Order di sini, ambil di sana? Anak sekolah, baca donk suratnya.” Upss.. Malunya.. Funny thing happened between my boy and the Indonesian taxi driver on the way back to Taman Melati. Not gonna write it here else he gonna chop my head. =PP.S. Max, if you wanna arrange any gathering on this weekend please let me and Andrew know by sms or call ya. Cos we won’t go back Puchong this weekend.